Dear President Zelenskyy: Thank You for Accepting the Role of Leader of the Free World

Dear President Zelenskyy,

On behalf of all sane, rational, patriotic, upstanding, democracy-loving Americans, I apologize.

I apologize to you and the lovely and strong people of Ukraine.

I apologize for the shocking number of us who voted fascist authoritarian putin puppet madame president* donaldina jessica trump (who, as you recall, declared all Americans female by executive order) back into office after a disastrous first term only to have her wreak even more chaos, harm, and disaster by giving her a second (and hopefully last!) term.

I apologize that so many of my fellow Americans are too stupid, ignorant, and hateful to vote for the common good. 

I apologize that so many of us are too misogynist and racist to vote for a competent, qualified, capable, compassionate, caring, upstanding, patriotic half-Black woman.

I apologize that so many of my fellow Americans are so stupid, ignorant, and hateful that they preferred to elect a fraudulent, bankrupt (morally, cognitively, and financially), felonious, law-breaking, traitorous, fascist, authoritarian, narcissistic, sociopathic rapist to what used to be the highest office in the land.

I am truly sorry that so many of us voted to cause harm--especially to the most vulnerable among us--rather than to reduce it.

I am truly sorry that a man of your intelligence, bravery, character, and integrity had to sit in the same room and suffer the reeking stench of the two moronic clowns who thought they could humiliate and bully you.

I know that you know that you have more intelligence, bravery, character, and integrity in one of your pinky toenails than either of these two plus their entire republican party combined.

I know that you know that you're a bigger, better man than either of them pretend to be, and I know that that obvious fact infuriates them.

Thank you for continuing to defend the free world by defending beautiful Ukraine.

Thank you for not wearing a costume to appease our republican morons.

Thank you for standing up and refusing to be bullied. (Of course, you're only behaving as we've all seen you behave since the beginning of poo tin's invasion: if you refuse to be bullied by him and his army, it's laughable to think you'd be bullied by wannabe-mob bosses tweedledumb and tweedledumber in the Oval Office. But still--it shows that you cannot be worn down, and all freedom-loving people worldwide celebrate and honor you for that.)

Thank you for both qualifying for and accepting the role of Leader of the Free World. 

I'm truly sorry that my once-beloved United States of America has abdicated that role, but I'm grateful that the role is now in the hands of someone who truly deserves it.

May putin, trump, and the rest of the corrupt, stupid, hateful oligarchs soon find themselves so blissed out and happy that they are incapable of plaguing us ever again; may peace and prosperity return soon to Ukraine and its wonderful people; and Slava Ukraine and Slava Ukraini!

Sincerely,

Dot Calm's shadow