Overheard at the breakfast buffet waffle station at czar a lardo

tr*mp's new protocol for handling our national secrets: 

Protect all classified information at all costs, under threat of firing squad, from our allies, especially those with authorization to see it and need to know. 

Upon receiving classified information, cc every iota to putin and xi as soon as it crosses your desk, or risk firing squad. 

NOTE: only tr*mp may store classified information on top of his desk, at his table in the dining room, and in his public bathroom for any passers-by to see and photograph on their phones. Since you are not rich and are therefore trash, you must pretend to store it properly in order to maintain the illusion that tr*mp is better than you.