If you can, stock up on Plan B NOW. *You* may not need it, but post-inAUGHuration, someone you know might!

Drag queens and trans women vs christians

I recently visited with a dear, long-lost friend who happens to be christian.

As we exchanged life-updates since we'd last seen each other, I mentioned how my best friend, who's a transgender woman, is doing.

And I mentioned how the election is affecting her, given that there are already states that forbid her to appear as herself in public under recent "drag" laws.

My visitor somehow does not think that drag laws affect trans people. That's all well and good for her, but I sure af wouldn't want to be a trans person trying to travel through one of these states and getting hauled off to jail for dressing as myself.

My visitor, like a maga friend of mine, tried to make a distinction between transgender women and "men wearing dresses" so they can play women's sports and go into women's restrooms to attack women. Frankly, that sounds to me like a BS line that evangelicals and fox propaganda made up to attack transgender women while pretending not to be judgmental. Like, how tf is anyone supposed to know the difference between a transgender woman and a "man wearing a dress"? Better just be suspicious of everyone! (Side note: a very sweet young person with a full beard and quite a lot of body hair showed up at my weekly dance some months ago wearing a very cute strappy sundress. They were an adorable human, and even though they were hirsute, they looked adorable. Even if the combination of lush, dark body hair and delicate strappy dress was somewhat amusing to my trans lady friend and me, we thought it was great that they were there, dancing, grinning, and happy in their own skin. They came a few times, but we haven't seen them in a while--maybe the cooler weather is too chilly for those cute frilly floral dresses. Personally, I love how our weekly dance gives everyone a safe space to dress as outrageously as they want to--from hoop skirts to pirate and medieval garb to corsets to cis-hetero men wearing skirts and hairy people wearing strappy little short dresses to animal faces and ears to you name it. It's just the best!)

My visitor then went on a rant about how children should not attend drag shows.

Had this visitor ever attended a drag show? No.

Hm.

I said I'd never attended a drag show, but I want to; and it's on the parents if they want to bring their kids to a drag show or let them attend drag queen storytime. It's not the responsibility of the performers!

For example, I told my visitor, my parents took us kids to Mel Brooks and other PG movies when we were both well under 10 years old. Frankly, I appreciated being trusted to be mature enough not to abuse the privilege, but when my older sibling started cussing like Earnest Borgnine in The Poseidon Adventure, our parents stopped taking us.

Our parents were never harmed or confused by Uncle Miltie dressing in drag any more than we kids were harmed or confused by Bugs Bunny or Monty Python characters dressing in drag.

Frankly, I've never seen any significant, verifiable reporting that, as a class, drag queens or drag kings or transgender people cause damage or harm to anyone, let alone children.

Conversely, I have seen a lot of significant, verifiable reporting that christians, as a class, cause damage and harm to everyone, especially children.

Who would you feel safer being alone with or leaving your child alone with: a priest? Or a transgender person? Or a drag queen reading stories?

I grew up catholic, thanks, so I'll take the drag and transgender people every time. 

Underground railroad

Friends, we're going to need an underground railroad to evacuate the young women in this country.

Some maga, triumphantly gloating the loss of our democracy, posted online, "Your body, MY choice." 

Either the same or another equally damaged soul decried women as "stupid bitches" for wanting, and voting for, bodily autonomy.

The incels who talk like this wonder why women choose "bear" every time....

Women are literally safer in Afghanistan with the Taliban, which, unlike maga, at least allows abortion (!!).

The triumph of hate and misogyny in our last election has young women in this country increasingly joining the Korean 4B movement to eschew marriage, sex, and children in heterosexual relationship.

I can't blame them--can you?

Seriously, when your government values the rights of a corpse or a teratoma in your uterus or an ectopic pregnancy outside your uterus more than it values your very life, can you blame them?

4B is good as far as it goes, but I see even greater danger coming from the same maga who are gloating at the prosect of assuming property rights to the lives and bodies of women whom they'll never meet.

maga are not "nice men."

The idea of consent is foreign to them, and the idea of respecting women is anathema to them.

So--forgive me for being blunt--I see an impending epidemic of r*pe in this country's future, especially now that the criminals and r*pists will be running the show and can do their worst with impunity.

Like I said earlier, the only thing worse than a narcissist losing is a narcissist winning...and maga is nothing more than a sad, sorry collection of narcissists and other profoundly damaged souls. 

These are the sorest winners you'll ever meet.

So if a woman is of childbearing health and age, her best bet for her safety is to get tf sterilized asap.

Before the inauguration if she can afford it--while she can still travel without needing a male "escort" or some other government approval!

After the inauguration, gawd help us all...

Women will have to flee the country to get sterilized for their own safety because r*pe will become capital punishment for them--a death sentence at worst or secondary r*pe via forced pregnancy and birth if she survives the initial attack.

Nations who ever considered us their ally should start now to set up crisis sterilization centers where women can go for emergency hysterectomies--even tubal ligation isn't 100% effective (no form of birth control is).

And we here had better start setting up an underground railroad to get childbearing-age women out of the country for the care they need before the republican party puts those women's lives at risk wholesale. 

This is part of what I mean when I encourage us all to build our communities: we must care for ourselves and each other. We must learn to form powerful tribes that circle around and protect those in need. 

And as we nurture and protect those who are coming under attack, let's not forget to hold space in love and compassion for the sick, sad, damaged souls who crave ownership of other humans as chattel property. There is no way in hell they're happy in their own skins if they believe that the only path to their own prosperity and joy is to punch down and F people they perceive as being weaker than themselves. 

Thing is, maga is already F'ed--they F'ed themselves by voting for tfg. They just don't know it yet.

Maybe this IS why we're all here right now...

I begged the universe not to put me on this timeline: where the lunatics are about to run the asylum, the thieves are about to run the banks, the crooks are about to run the courts, the dictators are about to run the democracy, the r*pists are about to protect women, the vile are about to crown themselves as the second coming, and the traitors are about to install themselves king for life.

I begged for a better future for all of us than this: who knows how many innocent women, trans people, people of color, non-rich people, dissenters, and other scapegoats will be killed and consumed by the awful machine that the majority of our voting public has unleashed upon us? How many elderly, disabled people, and impoverished children will be literally starved off the planet? How many of us will be poisoned by the robber barons? Like I've said, it's going to be a bumpy ride...if we survive.

If you've been following the blog, you've seen me immediately call for community as we face the coming onslaught. You've seen me remark that we can't help what others do to us, but we are in complete control of how we use it--we can choose to be traumatized, or we can choose joy.

And I'm sure you could see that I am choosing joy. 

I am choosing to be love and light to all I encounter. Maybe that's all I can do, but it's something.

The day after the election, I was filled with a nagging sense of unease. Yesterday, I framed my immediate plans for building up my own little bubble of love and light and encouraging us all to do the same so that those bubbles can merge into a larger one that ultimately becomes the groundswell of a better, more just, more egalitarian, less capitalist society that simply takes over by fiat. Framing that plan replaced the sense of unease with a sense of peace. This still was not my choice or my preference, but I can work with it.

Today, a thought hit me right between the eyes and froze me in my tracks: what if this is exactly why you're here right now? What if this is exactly why we're all here right now?

Maybe we're all here right now because we all wanted to build this better society for all from the ground up, with our own hands deep in the clay.

Maybe the storm that's about to hit our nation and our world is the very thing we needed to rip off every facade and shine a light on and then wash away all the fear, shame, and hate.

I've said for a long time that the reason the right is pitching such a fit right now is that they know that the fear, shame, and hate that fuels them are on their way out. They know that their policies are bankrupt, their morals are bankrupt, their economy is bankrupt, and a majority of us are starting to see through their act of bullying and power. We want more, we want better, and we've stopped buying into their antics and being controlled by them.

We've known for a long time that, as my namesake Dot Calm said of w, the emperor has no clothes.

I've said for a long time that we're in the death throes of a dying system.

I was hoping that the transition to the new, better socioeconomic system would be more smooth, graceful, and inherently joyful--that we'd work from the grassroots up with our Democratic government down to build something that works for everyone.

But maybe this really is the best and fastest way to get where we're going.

Part of compassion is accepting what is. 

I learned a long time ago that I can't save everyone--and that not everyone wants saving. 

Some people really do prefer to suffer, and that is their right.

And it's everyone's right to live their own lives as they see fit and to engage with the experiences they want without someone else trying to intervene--there's just no way any of us can see into the hearts and minds of other people and dictate what is best for them.

So, as we practice compassion, we must remember that part of it is not to exhaust ourselves by trying to save the world. Let what is be what it is. Just focus on being the love and the light that we are and shining that love and light unconditionally on everyone we encounter.

Maybe we can even get excited about this--we ARE the solution, and all we have to do is BE...be the love and light, and trust everything else to sort itself out.

I know...even though I really do believe in what I'm suggesting, I'm not all the way there myself...at least, not yet. I'm sure af not excited yet (although I can see how it can come if I let it). Part of me wants to fuss at and correct maga for thinking it knows what's "best" for me (and by "best," I mean "worst"). Part of me wants to point and laugh and continue othering them, and I can't guarantee that I will have any sympathy for any of them when the leopard they embraced eats their faces. 

But, in the meantime, I'm going to continue to invite in and ponder the thought that maybe this IS why we're all here right now. Maybe building back better is the job we signed up for. Maybe this is our greatest legacy to build--a more peaceful, joyful, loving, just, egalitarian society for the nation and the world where we finally value people more than money, perhaps for the first time ever.

That's what I'm working toward.

Will you join me?

Non-resistance is NOT the same as passivity or giving up!

In my last post, I suggested that we not resist yesterday's catastrophe.

It happened, it was decisive, and we will have to live with it.

Just like we've had to admit that the least "Christlike" Christians are in fact Christians--and typical ones, to boot--we have to admit that we as a nation are not "better than this." We ARE this. The sooner we come to terms with this sad, sobering fact, the better.

We don't have to like it or approve of it any more than we have to force ourselves to eat broken glass and enjoy it, but we have to admit it and see it for what it is because it IS what it is. 

Alas, it is what we are.

Fighting what's happened is like punching the tar baby--it only besmirches and exhausts us. It does nothing to support our beliefs in everything good or advance our causes to promote the common good.

It only tires us out and wears us down.

So I say: don't resist.

Accept and allow what has happened to happen. It's already happened, and we can't change it.

Accept and allow what will happen to happen. It's going to happen, and I seriously doubt we'll be able to change it.

But that doesn't mean giving up.

In the coming darkness ahead, each of us will see opportunities to be the light for ourselves and the next person--and we will do it.

We will find ways we can help each other because we're woke--we see other people as people, and we habitually do everything we can to uplift others and soothe their suffering.

So let's keep our eyes open and act with love and kindness every chance we get. If that's not anathema to maga and everything it and tr*mp and the republicans stand for, I don't know what is.

And let's keep our eyes open for opportunities to throw just a little sand in the maga machine to grind its gears for a while.

maga craves dystopia, so let's give them what we can of it right now.

STOP buying from fascists, like amazon, home depot, goya, mainstream newspapers (including wapo, nyt, wsj), cable TV, cable news, ...anything corporate.

Let's stop all discretionary spending we can--not only should we save our money because we're likely to need it, but let's keep every penny we can out of the pockets of the oligarchs. Get your passport ready to go, but don't travel for fun.

If you can grow any of your own food, grow it. If you can join a co-op, join it. If you can patronize a farmer's market, patronize it. Move your money out of the corporations and into your own backyard and into the pockets of those who need and appreciate it most and who provide the greatest good for your dollars.

If you have investments you can move out of the stock market and into bonds, do it now--especially because tr*mp will crash the market when he gets back in.

Remember: compliance is non-resistance, and malicious compliance is still compliance!

Slow-rolling, foot-dragging, oversharing...get creative. Malicious compliance is not actually malicious, and it can be a lot of fun!

I have a nosy relative who asks me questions that are really none of their business. I know they have an almost non-existent short-term memory and even less of an attention span, so I amuse myself by answering their questions in way more detail than they ever cared to know--I know they won't remember a word, and they'll be sorry they ever asked. But hey--I didn't resist. I complied.

Someone I knew a long time ago told me a story of when he had to go to an IRS audit. I don't know how apocryphal the story is, but it's a funny story and a great illustration of what I mean by malicious compliance.

Dude didn't contest the audit appointment or rail or rage or complain--he did not resist. He complied, and he went in with a plan. He stopped showering a week before his appointment with the IRS agent. He stopped brushing his teeth three days before his appointment. He bagged up all of his receipts and paperwork into three large garbage bags--he actually knew where each receipt and paper was, but he knew it wouldn't look that way to the agent. He slouched into his appointment dressed like a hayseed with a toothpick hanging out of his mouth. Whenever he spoke to the agent, he paused several seconds before speaking and drawled the slowest, thickest, drawliest drawl ever drawled. When the agent asked him for this or that receipt or paper, he'd dive into his trash bags, shuffle and ruffle around, take as long as he could until he could tell that the agent was about to lose his patience, and then pull out the right piece and hand it to the agent "triumphantly." He went on with this charade for a good three hours, as he tells it, until the agent had finally had enough, "blessed" his tax returns, and sent him on his way.

So let's all keep malicious compliance in mind going forward into this impending long, dark, ugly night. Don't resist, but don't give up. Don't fight, but don't be passive, either. Comply, but don't make it easy for them.

Let's make getting through this disaster as easy on ourselves as we can so that we can get through it as fast as we can. Let's take care of ourselves and each other the best we can so that we can start building a better society right here in our own little lives and circles. 

Hopefully, there's a more just, loving, egalitarian, non-capitalist America--and world--on the other side of this nightmare.

More lessons to learn...if we survive

It looks like we as a nation have more lessons to learn...if we survive.

The sad part is that what we've just decisively created won't just damage us--it will damage the entire world and the planet herself because, like it or not, we lead in many ways that other nations follow.

Women's bodies.

Every marginalized community--people of color, LGBTQ+, people with disabilities, anyone with a disadvantage that can be exploited or used against them in any way.

Our health care system.

Our education system.

Our economy.

Our ecosystem.

Our children and their future.

Ukraine.

Gaza.

Jews.

Our media, which were already fascist enough to do more harm than good.

Every principle that Americans hold dear.

Everyone and everything will suffer.

Everyone and everything is now a commodity--a plaything for the rich and the theocrats.

Everything is now just a mere transaction--nothing matters.

American justice is dead--the criminals are in charge now.

American sanity is defunct--the lunatics are running the asylum now.

American democracy is dead--tr*mp will never leave "office" while he lives, and he'll surely pass the reins to one of his equally damaged spawn for them to reign for the rest of their life.

Welcome to Gilead, Project 2025, and 1984 all rolled into one.

rfk, jr, wants to antivax us to death; elon wants to impoverish us to death; and tr*mp is happy to let them, the republicans, our adversaries, and whoever else wants to do us all to death. The only thing worse than a narcissist losing is a narcissist winning. The revenge tour will be staggering.

They're not joking about putting us in trauma and austerity--the cruelty is the point. It helps them oppress us.

I can't believe that this is actually what a majority of American voters really wanted, but here it is.

As I've said before, they should get to live in the dystopia of their dreams, but they shouldn't have the right to drag the rest of us down into hell with them.

But they've done it, and here we are.

The damage that will be done will be incredible. Many of us will die needlessly, just like during tr*mp's mishandling of the pandemic. He's not kidding when he says it's going to be a bloodbath--in this case, it will be a bloodbath because he won.

It's going to be worse than any of us can imagine.

I guess we as a species still have a lot of lessons to learn--if we even survive this.

Once a nation gives up its democracy and hands itself over to a dictator, it is incredibly difficult to recover that democracy.

Just ask Alexei Navalny.

Or ask anyone who thought anointing Hugo Chavez or Fidel Castro dictator was a good idea.

Friends, we are in for one hell of a bumpy ride. This is going to take decades to recover from if we even can. 

Although this sure wasn't the timeline I was hoping for, I still believe that, somehow, even though I sure can't see how, it must be the best one for humanity's growth. 

Maybe this is what we as a species need to finally come to terms with the fact that we are one. There is only energy, and we are all just different aspects and facets of it. Maybe this is how we stop othering and being othered.

So here's what I suggest.

We have a few months of grace--let's enjoy them to the fullest and make lovely, warm memories that will support us down the road.

And as I've said earlier, turn off the news. Just turn it off. Its only purpose will be to frighten and harass us, so let's please just focus on the good we experience and can create around us. Let's focus locally and do the best we can to make our own little worlds as good and as bright as they can be.

We're going to have to be patient. I don't know how long it's going to take for the system to eat its own, but it will. Everyone who is celebrating today will become fodder for that inexorable machine's deglutition--no one is pure enough, so it's just a matter of time. Like I said, it may take decades, so let's gird our loins and prepare for a long, uphill road ahead.

It's going to be ok.

We are going to get through this.

It's not going to be fun or comfortable or pretty, but we will eventually come out the other side better, stronger, and wiser...if we survive. 

So don't give up.

And, believe it or not, don't fight it--what we resist persists.

The only way out is through, and the fastest, easiest way through will be the path of the most love and the least resistance.

We can't change what others do to us, but we decide how to use what happens. We can choose to be traumatized, or we can choose love and joy.

Let's MAKE this the best possible timeline for humanity every way we can. Let's do our best to love ourselves and each other, step away from the churn, and step into the flow. 

Keep the faith and hang in there--we are all in this together.

Much love to you and yours!

The mystery of maga--crime, punishment, and acceptable behavior

It mystifies me what maga considers to be crimes deserving the death sentence:

• Telling the truth as supported by actual evidence
• Believing that it is no one else's right to decide what another does with their body
• Understanding and working within the bounds of causal reality
• Understanding and using evidence and actual experts to make decisions
• Making life better for ordinary Americans, like lowering their taxes, raising their pay, increasing their health benefits, reducing their medication costs, improving their access to health care and other services, and improving their environment with cleaner air, water, and food
• Feeding, clothing, educating, and loving humans after they've been born
• Working with rather than against our allies
• Working against rather than with our adversaries

Meanwhile, maga adamantly praises and supports the opposite of these "crimes." 

They love them their lies. 

They can't run their own lives, but they insist on running ours (not that they can! - but they insist they can and should, so how dare we not comply?). 

They are unmoored from reality, and they stick their fingers in their ears and scream LA-LA-LA-LA-I-CAN'T-HEAR-YOU when confronted by actual evidence and expertise. 

They want only billionaires to have any money and gladly give up their own money to support this cause. 

They WANT their lives to be harder--they embrace unnecessary hardship and suffering. 

They think only the pre-born--even the ones too deformed to survive--are worth supporting, and the rest of us on the planet deserve to suffer and die horrible deaths. 

They hate those who support us and love only those who want to destroy us--and they have the nerve to call themselves "patriots." 

They worship the words "Constitution" and "bible" while hating and abhorring the actual contents of those documents--neither of which they've read (or understand if they have in fact attempted to read them).

They think only a convicted felon intent on committing more crime will protect them from crime, only a serial and convicted sexual assaulter who sees women as "less than human" will protect their women, only a grifter will treat them fairly and cut them a break, only a thief will protect their money, only a sociopath who uses rather than loves his own spawn and who told his nephew to let his disabled son die will protect their children, only a self-serving traitor is patriotic enough to represent them, only a dictator will set them free, only a sociopathic narcissist loves them and is worth loving, and only an incurious, uneducated, ignoramus with dementia is omniscient enough to be their king. 

And yet, they go to the best doctors they can find when they are sick, bring their cars to the best mechanics they can find when they break down, and use the best contractor or electrician or roofer or plumber they can find when their homes are in need.

Clearly, they do not hear themselves when they speak or see what they do when they act.

How do their brains not explode under the pressure of all the cognitive dissonance?

It's a mystery.

Would it bother them?

I have maga friends and relatives, whom I love dearly and refuse to give up on. I support them the best I can. But sometimes, I wonder: do they care that, if their leader got his way, he'd lock me up, maybe even murder me, as an "animal"--an "enemy within"? Would it bother them? Or are they just too far gone? 

The narcissists I know going maga I understand--I've always seen it as unfortunate but not surprising, given the shame and never-enoughness they've lived their lives steeped in.

But I had always thought of one of these magas as an intelligent, rational, reasonable person, even if we were not in the same political party. We used to be able to have the kind of political discussions that Joe Walsh and other old-school republicans lament the loss of--where we all understand the common problems and bring our own perspectives of which should be prioritized and how to solve them for the common good.

I miss those discussions, too, especially with this particular maga. 

What I really want to know is what happened to them.

How did they go from "reasonable" to "red hat"?

What made them give in to all the fear, hate, and shame?

This person isn't a spring chicken. I know a lot about how they grew up and how damaging their birth family was. I thought for sure, having known them for decades, that they were much farther along on their healing journey than seems compatible with joining the maga cult. 

But there they are--red hat and all.

And I am mystified. How did I miss the signs that they'd go this way? It makes me question my own judgment and wonder whether confiding in them in the past was a big mistake.

And I wonder: if their leader got his way and disappeared me, would it bother them? 

Or do they, too, see me only as an animal, the enemy within, worthy only of being squashed like a noxious bug?

Now is the time to turn off the news!

I know it sounds crazy, but now is the time to turn off the news.

I mean it.

Turn off cable news.

Scroll past political videos.

Play games instead of doom-scrolling on social media.

Don't even bother with newspapers unless someone hands you the funnies.

Just do it...and I'll tell you why.

Our media are owned by a handful of billionaires--that's why.

They have two goals right now. One goal is to install a christofascist authoritarian dictatorship. Failing that, their other goal is to make as much money through ads and clicks as possible between now and the announcement of Kamala Harris as our next President.

Thing is, they win either way.

If tr*mp wins, they win because they get to dismantle our democracy and execute Project 2025 via vance (they'll surely eject tr*mp via the 25th Amendment should he get that far).

If Harris wins, they win because she will continue strengthening our economy, which, thanks to President Biden, is currently the strongest among the developed nations'.

So they can't lose.

One indirect way they can win is by convincing you that your vote doesn't count because tr*mp will cheat, and republicans will rig or overturn the election--so the fascist media are hoping to sell you learned helplessness so that you don't fight for your democracy either now or when they decide they're ready to step in and burn it down.

Another indirect way they can win is by overloading you with churn and chaos so that you tune out of politics permanently and, by becoming a low-information voter or an apathetic non-voter, hand yourself, your future, your family, and your and your family's money over to them in perpetuity.

Don't give in.

Just go vote--early if you can--and continue to donate and call and volunteer and drive someone to the polls on Election Day. 

Just keep doing what you can to ensure that we win and keep our democracy, our lives, and our prosperity by voting in numbers too large for maga to mess with.

And turn off the churn, the chaos, the threats, the fears, and the doom.

It's not helping anyone...

...except the greedy billionaires.

They sure af won't help us, so why taf help them?

Billionaires wouldn't, as Frank McCourt said in "Angela's Ashes," give you the steam off their piss.

So keep the faith, pour yourself a nice drink, and switch off the media for now. If you feel compelled to grab your phone, use it to play games.

And I'll see you at President Harris's inauguration.

I just saw the best comment on the Internet...

In response to the recent publication of the previous first spouse's "memoir," a commenter mentioned the tasteless, ugly murder scene they made of the White House Christmas decorations one year, saying that it's time for a man to decorate the White House for Christmas.

I couldn't agree more!

Can't wait to see what Doug comes up with as the first First Gentleman! 

After THE WORST debate EVER, why aren't the media SCREAMING for the gop to replace tr*mp?

Many in the online news media decried President Biden's debate performance as the worst ever in the history of presidential debates...until they saw tr*mp get his sad, bloated, orange arse handed to him by VP Harris last night.

These are the same media who have relentlessly sane-washed, reasonable-washed, patriot-washed, and otherwise normalized and apologized for tr*mp since he blustered onto the national political stage in 2015.

So, now, inquiring minds want to know: given how hysterically they shrieked for President Biden, THE most effective president we've had in living memory, to step down from running for a second term in 2024, why aren't they even remotely beginning to call for tr*mp--who has been convicted of sexual assault, financial and tax fraud, and 34 felony counts in the state of New York that ultimately relate to election interference (not to mention the espionage and election interference cases that he has yet to be tried for)--to step down from running for president this November?

Why, media?

Why aren't you screaming for the gop to replace the angry, deranged, obviously mentally ill old man?

Why?

Inquiring minds want to know!

Winning with Walz

Just wanted to pop in here and say how thrilled I am that our soon-to-be Madam President Kamala Harris has chosen Governor Tim Walz as her running-mate. 

I can't imagine anyone more every-man, plain-spoken, or practical than Tim Walz.

I've been over the moon since the announcement and just wanted to share.

Momala got herself some Big Dad Energy on the ticket, and I am here for it.

WE'RE NOT GOING BACK.

Vote Blue 2024 and forevermore!

j.d.vance is SO stupid...

 ...How stupid is he?

j.d. vance is so stupid that he believes that Democrats who are outraged by the betrayal of the best, most progressive president in living memory by the milquetoast fascist wing of the party will opt to vote against the last and only chance we have to save our failing democracy by voting for the traitorous, treasonous, felonious, rapey, theocratic autocratic fascist dictator-for-life-wannabe that is tfg.

j.d. vance is so stupid that he thinks that the rest of us are as stupid as he is.

He really thinks we'd vote for project 2025--that we'd vote to give up voting, our rights, our money, our planet, and our very lives.

j.d. vance is sofa king stupid.

I don't often call people "stupid" anymore, but when the shoe fits....

Who will the democrats run next?

Let's assume that, after their shameful treatment of President Biden, the democratic party nominates Kamala Harris in his stead. 

Then, because tfg does not see other humans as fully human, sees people of color as less-than, and sees people with uteruses as r*pe bait, let's suppose he Gish gallops all over her and stalks her in the debate.

Then, as a result, he completely throws her off her game, and she comes off looking like a shrill, uninformed, weak, estrogen-poisoned, irrational hose beast.

And after this disastrous debate, the democratic party discards her, like Biden before her--not because she's too old but because she's too blAAAAAAAAAAAAAck and too female (without even the luxury of being decades into post-menopause like Hillary).

Then who will they run?

And will they apologize to Joe Biden for discarding him for one bad night?

Someday--NOT 2024, obvi--I'd like to see Hunter Biden run for president as a convicted felon...

...just to phuque with republicans, who full-throatedly support their soon-to-be-convicted felon.

Well, phuque: the weak have won the battle.

Whatever we do, let's not give them the war.

VOTE BLUE, NO MATTER WHO.

Which is worse: weak democrats or weak republicans? Both seem intent on destroying America....

Here's what I've noticed...

Weak republicans support tr*mp; weak democrats abandon President Biden.

In both cases, the weak are too weak to support the strong--both only support the weak.

Ain't that somethin'?

AOC and Bernie are strong.

They both understand that President Biden is the most progressive, most effective president we've had in living memory.

Both are old enough to remember what this country did to Hillary--who was eminently qualified, caring, and capable--when she ran.

Both know what the country would do to Kamala if she attempted to run in Joe's stead--not that there is any mechanism for her to do so.

Both know that putting Joe back in the White House in 2024 puts Joe's administration, which has performed perhaps not perfectly but exceptionally well compared even to other Democratic administrations, and Kamala back in the White House in 2024.

Both know that putting Joe back in the White House in 2024 will give him and Kamala the chance to grow her role and showcase her abilities, thus potentially lining her up for the presidency in 2028.

Both know that weak democrats play into fascist media narratives and craving for chaos.

Both know that weak democrats are as fascist at heart as the weak republicans are.

Like weak republicans, weak democrats only care about their own individual money and power--America be damned.

Fortunately, even though the weak are loud--of course they are! They're panicking, as weak ones do--there are many more of us strong Americans. Strong Democrats and even strong Republicans who want America to remain the liberal democracy that it has been for decades. Strong Democrats and even strong Republicans who want to see more fairness and equality, more accountability for the rich and corporate elites, and more power in the hands of those who are too often marginalized and thus who need it most.

Stand with the strong ones, friends, and for the love of Pete, don't fear the weak ones. There are way more of us, and we have way more to offer.

The media are NOT our friends

Am I the only one who notices--and am shocked by--the fact that the media are NOT calling for the treasonous, traitorous rapey convicted FELON who lusts to be a lifelong fascist dictator responsible for destroying our democracy, economy, environment, and society to STEP DOWN?

Billionaires are not our friends...and, apparently, senator warner isn't, either

mark warner is a rich man.

Rich, rich, rich.

He has more than enough money to insulate him from the consequences of his actions.

So government is just a fun little game to him.

He doesn't give a shit that you, your wife, your sister, your daughter will lose bodily autonomy if tfg gets back in.

He doesn't give a shit that you or your LGBTQ+ friend, neighbor, or family member will lose the right to exist in public if tfg gets back in.

He doesn't give a shit how many POC cops extrajudicially execute.

He doesn't give a shit how badly maga trashes the economy, the environment, or society.

And he can skip town before the executions start.

So, yeah, he wants to hand the election to tfg.

Why? 

Because, to him, it's all just a game...and phuque the rest of us...the ones who don't have the money or power to escape the consequences of his actions.

Ain't that just something?

Just because all the billionaires hate democracy & lust for a tr*mp fascist dictatorship, DON'T PANIC

Have you noticed how hard the "liberal" media are hitting President Biden post-debate?

Every one from ny times to wapo to msnbc are piling on President Biden--the onslaught of headlines is fast, thick, unrelenting, and furious.

Remember, friends: NOT ONE of these media outlets IS liberal.

NOT ONE.

EVERY SINGLE ONE is owned by BILLIONAIRES.

BILLIONAIRES ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS.

They are NOT pro-democracy.

They are NOT pro-America.

They are certainly NOT pro-life.

All they are is PRO-BILLIONAIRE. 

Yes, some of them employ one or more liberal public-facing personalities.

Why?

Because they know that liberals won't give the hate and bigotry that right-wing media serve up the time of day.

They know that none of us would ever voluntarily watch fox propaganda as if it were actually truthful or informative.

They know that the only way to get us to consume their content is to give us content that we will actually consume.

They do it to build trust.

It's a hook to reel us in.

And then they lower the hammer.

Friends, they saw President Biden's debate performance as their chance to lower the boom on us.

Don't buy it.

I've got Biden's back because I stand with American democracy--I stand with all of us.

Do you?

Loser republicans won't take the L; winner Democrats won't take the W. WTF? GET A GRIP, AMERICA!

Is it my imagination, or are both political parties wildly delusional?

We're all way too familiar with the mass delusion that is republicanism: no matter how egregiously they lose, or how stupid their statements are, or how cruel and harmful their policies are, they refuse to take the loss.

I posit that Democrats suffer from a delusion that's almost equally harmful to this country: no matter how massive of a margin they win by, or how capable and effective their candidate is, or how beneficial to the nation their policies are, they won't take the win.

By refusing to be assertive enough to take the win and act like they won, Democrats meekly hand their victories to republicans--effectively snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

Friends, this is NOT the time to be meek.

This is NOT the time to refuse to take the win.

Joe Biden has been the most effective president in living memory.

There is no comparison.

There is literally no mechanism--no path--to replace him with anyone at this point.

Further, there is absolutely no reason to even if it were possible--and it's not.

President Biden is a good and decent man who cares about the welfare of this nation and has been extremely effective as president.

It's time to ask yourself...

Do you really want to hand America over to tr*mp and his ilk for the rest of your life?

Do you really want yourself, your children, your grandchildren, your friends, your family, your loved ones to live in a theocratic fascist authoritarian dictatorship?

Do you really want America to treat people born with functioning uteruses worse than the taliban does?

Do you really want America to outlaw the public existence of LGBTQ+?

Do you really want to declare open season for cops to execute people of color?

Do you really want your government to execute Democrats? Muslims? Jews? Buddhists? Atheists? Anyone? Everyone?

Do you really approve of the extreme court? Do you really want to eradicate law and order in this country?

Do you really want to destroy the environment? The economy? America's status as a first-world nation? 

Do you really want to take America back not hundreds but thousands of years--back to the dark ages of hatred, bigotry, and ignorance?

No?

Then put on your grown-up pants, calm the everlovin' F down, and take the effin' win: President Biden has been an outstanding president, and he will continue to be an outstanding president for four more years if we don't panic and hand the nation over to tr*mp.

Got it? 

GOOD.

TFG FOUND GUILTY ON ALL 34 FELONY COUNTS

FINALLY.

Finally, tfg is being held accountable in a court of law for SOME of his lifetime of crimes: a jury of his NY peers found him GUILTY on all 34 counts of falsifying business records in order to illegally benefit his 2016 presidential campaign. Falsifying business records is a misdemeanor in NY; falsifying those records in order to commit or hide another crime--such as cheating on taxes, such as far exceeding the legal limit for campaign donations, and such as unduly influencing an election by hiding damaging facts from the voting public--is a felony. 

donald jailbird tr*mp is GUILTY.

As a felon, will he lose his right to vote?

As a felon, will he lose his eligibility for a security clearance like any normal person would? (He should never have received a security clearance in the first place with his multi-million-dollar debt, especially considering how much of that he owes to our adversaries. Remember eric tr*mp boasting that they get all their money from russia? Pepperidge Fahms remebahs.)

As a felon, will he lose his right to own firearms?

As a felon, he should lose his position on the presidential ballot--especially after all the whining, lying, sleeping in court, disrespect to the rule of law, stochastic terrorism, contempt of court, espionage, treason, ...

I could go on, but it's time to take a shot of Fireball in sheer relief that, for once, the American justice system worked.

It's doubtful that tfg will receive prison time, but we can hope, can't we?

Would it be wrong to want to gather up all the irrational, gullible people who are so damaged that they eagerly believe hateful nonsense--specifically, the ones who are hell-bent on harming or preferably killing the rest of us, even though they never met us and don't know us and even though none of us has ever even remotely done anything to harm any of them except exist and not be exactly like them in every way--and use a really juicy conspiracy theory to bait them into their own permanent, inescapable unless they come to their senses but fully stocked, fully survivable bubble where you can show them imagery of some of us with our faces glumly pressed against the outside peering in and let them press a button that forces innocent women they don't know and have never met and will never meet to carry non-viable pregnancies and die in childbirth and forces innocent, harmless LGBTQ+ people to have wrong relationships or wrong gender surgery and use the wrong bathroom and be bullied and killed and gives mass shooters with locked and inexhaustibly loaded AR-15s in each hand as many terrified schoolchildren as they want to blow to bits and lets cops shoot as many peacefully sleeping unarmed black people as they want and show them imagery of us screaming and bleeding and dying and denouncing them for being hateful and evil and hurting and killing all those poor, innocent people "inside" the bubble (but who are all really outside the bubble living happy, free, peaceful, prosperous lives without all the societal detritus that trapped themselves inside the bubble) while still letting them press the button to their hearts' content while nothing bad is really happening to the rest of us but the people who are actually inside the bubble don't know that it's all just an act for their benefit and really think they are hurting and killing all of us who scare them because we're not exactly like them in every way so that they can live the rest of their lives being every bit as happy as they're capable of being, getting everything they ever thought they wanted and thinking they're "hurting all the right people" but not actually causing anyone any harm?

Who should play sports, dear Martina Navratilova?

Dear Martina Navratilova:

I follow you on twitter and very often agree with you. For the most part, I find you socially progressive and engaging, and I find your posts to be sharp and refreshing. However, it seems to me that you have taken a less egalitarian view on who should play sports by denouncing the participation of transgender people. 

I love you, but I beg to differ.

For context, although I am athletic, sports is not my entire life. I can think of a million and one things more important than letting or preventing (or inspecting the genitals of) someone who really wants to play sports. 

To me, it's just a game, so let everyone who wants to have a go--why not?

I realize that sports is your whole life and your whole world, so thanks in advance for hearing me out if in fact you choose to.

The bottom line is this: being transgender is not an automatic advantage in sports. 

My namesake, Dot Calm, was a teeny tiny little lady, and when she was a kid, she ran faster than every other kid in the class. Boy or girl, tall or short, teeny tiny little Dot Calm could leave them in the dust. So why wasn't she an Olympic gold medal sprinter? Because she absolutely hated sports, sweating, running--all of it. These days, the family has a not-yet-transitioned transgender lady friend who can't run nearly as fast as Dot Calm's daughter, despite being nearly a foot taller and quite muscular compared to the daughter--who even as an adult is often mistaken for being a little kid because of her size and build. In short, Dot Calm's family has a genetic advantage for sports generally and for running specifically, but they all pursued careers as highly educated professionals--as did the transgender lady who's friends with the daughter. So please understand that there's a lot more to sports than just height and muscle mass.

I personally am on the autism spectrum. Like Dot Calm's family, I too am small and slight compared to the national average. I use my size--or lack thereof--to my advantage: I am QUICK. I have preternaturally fast reflexes and proprioception that extends beyond and below what I can see. I also have the ability to hyperfocus for long periods of time without perceiving potential distractions. So should autistic people like me who have natural advantages also be banned from sports? 

Dear Martina Navratilova, who should play sports?

Should we ban everyone with a natural advantage of some sort--like muscle mass or amazing reflexes or genius intellect or hyperfocus--from playing sports?

Should we just ban everyone whom you personally happen not to understand and therefore to fear?

Should we measure everyone who wants to play sports against national and world averages and just ban those who fall outside the 25% mark? The 10% mark? The 5% mark?

Should only "normies" play sports?

I'm old enough to remember when Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs, who was born male with a biological male's muscle mass, in tennis. She was 29, and he was 55, as I recall. So was that match unfair because she was so much younger than he was--should we only let people play who are within 5 years of age of each other? 1 year?

Please, dear Ms. Navratilova, take a step back, and take a deep breath.

I know sports is important to you, but please remember: it's just a game.

Really.

Literally.

Remember, there are far more autistic people in the world than transgender people. So please--let everyone who wants to play sports play to the best of their ability instead of looking for new people to marginalize and new ways to isolate, denounce, and condemn those who are already isolated and marginalized.

Let's use sports to build community and acceptance of marginalized people.

Thanks for listening!

- Dot Calm's shadow

Medicare lurves hospice at home--a Happy Father's Day update

Greetings, dear ones!

I hope you and yours are doing well this Father's Day. I am pleased to report that my dad and I are both doing well, albeit both in desperate need of haircuts.

It's been quite a journey to get from my last update to today's update, so I'm going to dive right in.

So, to start this installment of how much Medicare luuuuurves hospice at home, let's review:

Medicare pays for adult diapers and disposable bed pads but not butt cream or butt wipes--so they apparently expect you to put clean diapers on dirty butts, and they apparently think diaper rash is kewl. And you'd do well to maintain your own stock of adult diapers and disposable bed pads in case the hospice people have any delays in placing the orders or the orders get delayed because pandemic.

Medicare covers no more than 3 hours per week of a nursing aide to come in and bed-bathe your loved one
--meaning, if you're lucky and your loved one is sick enough, they'll come in Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to clean your loved one. The rest of the time, it's up to you.

So, again, YOU are paying for and providing the facility, utilities, cooking, laundry, feeding, and personal care the rest of the time.

If you have an urgent health concern for your loved one and you need to call hospice first, as they instruct, it may be hours before one of their nurses come out to see you. And if your loved one is in the hospital for 24 hours, hospice will discharge you, so you'll have to re-sign all of the intake paperwork again (not onerous but something to be aware of). So, depending on how urgent urgent is, you may just want to call 911 and tell the hospice people about it all later.

As I've said before, Medicare really only covers a limited (translation: minuscule) amount of comfort care for your loved one--unless you want to dope him or her up with morphine (please don't!). If you're concerned for your loved one's overall health and safety, Medicare literally cannot care less.

Example du jour: bed alarms.

My dad--bless him!--got to feeling so well after about two months of hospice care at home that he forgot he couldn't walk just yet. So he kept trying to get out of bed by himself--a total no-no unless someone else was around. So I caught him and stopped him a couple or three times...and I found him on the floor a couple or three times.

Fortunately, he always climbs out--never falls--so he never gets injured. Thank Atheist God for small (or huge!) favors!

But still...!

He was trying to escape--as I call it to be funny (he wasn't)--at all hours of the day and night (remember: I work full time, and it's just me here, especially during the pandemic except for the private CNA who'd come in two hours per day).

My dad isn't exactly big, but he weighs more than I do, and he'd been pretty much dead weight when I tried to lift him. And between his nighttime coughing and my increasing worry about finding him on the floor in the morning, I was starting to lose sleep in a serious way. (And did I mention that I work full time? Because I work full time. And I was taking care of my dad all day while I was working and right up until about an hour before I'd go to bed every night.)

So for my own sanity and his safety, I called up the hospice people and asked about getting him a bed clip, as my cousin--who took care of both of her parents single-handedly--suggested.

Hospice had never heard of no bed clip, so I asked about the kind of bed alarms that hospitals use.

Oh no--Medicare doesn't cover those!

Based on their reaction, you'd have thought I was blithely demanding a diamond studded platinum bedpan.

Honestly--what does Medicare expect people to do????? I would really love to know!

So I went online and ordered a bed alarm with a battery AND an AC adapter for ~$65 including shipping (you know the adapter is extra).

And I hooked it up and breathed a sigh of relief until I ended up having to run into his room several times over the next however many weeks (honestly--it's all a blur at this point) to stop him from climbing out of bed at all hours of the day and night.

And I started fussing at him about how he NEEDS to let me SLEEP because if I don't sleep, I can't work--I can't ethically charge my company to pay me when I'm less effective on the job than a box of rocks. And if I get fired, then I lose the house, and then we're both out on the street living in a cardboard box, so then where would he be? For sheer self-preservation, it was in my dad's best interests to let me sleep.

And I started honest-to-goodness nagging him, which is totally not my nature, "What are you NOT going to do tonight? You're NOT going to wake me up? That's RIGHT!"

But the Parkinson's and Charcot Marie Tooth issues my dad is dealing with screw up his sleep/wake enough that he doesn't always know he's not fully awake--he thinks he's awake, but he's disoriented. And you have to talk with him for a few minutes for him to wake all the way up and reorient himself. And then he's fine--just like he's been my whole life.

So, one fine Tuesday night, he started hollering for me at 3:30 in the morning. There was literally nothing I could do for him, so I went in and (again, totally not my nature, but I was trying to make an impression) yelled at him that there was nothing I could do for him, he was literally killing me (well, that was true), and I couldn't work full time and take care of him full time and stay with him all night and not sleep because I can't charge my work for work I cannot do and then I will lose my job and the house and then we're both out on the street without a dime because I cashed out my retirement to build his suite, so I have no such savings. "I love you, but I can't keep you company all night because you're lonely--I HAVE to SLEEP to survive so I can take care of you, so GO TO SLEEP!!!"

By this time, I had already lost like 6% of my total body weight because I was either working or taking care of him instead of getting something myself to eat. I COULD NOT both not eat and not sleep. He was literally running me into the ground, and it was a race between which of us would land in the hospital first.

That Wednesday, I had reached the end of my rope, which I'd already tied so many knots into so I could hang on that there was nothing left: I had to sleep. Even though by then I wasn't sleeping well from the noise and the worry, I had to give myself a fighting chance.

So I camped out and teleworked from his suite and kept him awake all day, hoping he'd be so exhausted that he'd sleep like a baby that night.

I even recorded myself yelling into my cell phone: "Hey! You!! WAKE UP!!!" so I could play it to him if he started dozing off. Eventually, that turned into a running gag that made us both giggle.

And that night, like a Very Bad Kid, I unplugged the bed alarm and told myself, "He will be fine."

Around 2:30 that night, I heard a thoomp. Was I dreaming? Hallucinating? Was it something falling over in one of my many Fibber McGee closets? Was it something falling onto the roof (which happens all the time)? Was it something falling off my dad's bedside table (which was also happening all the time)? Or...was it Himself landing on the floor?

So I listened...and listened...nothing. So I tried to go back to sleep.

8:30 that Thursday morning, when I went in to take care of him...there he was, on the floor, where he'd been since 2:30 that night.

Fuck.

Don't worry, friends--he was lucid. He was uninjured, but I didn't know it yet.

He thought that, after not having walked for three months, he'd just waltz over to the coffee machine and make himself a cuppa coffee at 2:30 in the morning.

I did not have a good feeling about trying to lift him. I was too depleted to try, and I wasn't sure he was actually ok after so long on the floor. So I called my sister to confer: should I call EMS? She said YES--the hospital will HAVE to place him into a nursing home after they're sure he's stable.

And that, dear ones, is exactly what happened.

Oh, sure, I had to scream hysterically (again--totally not my personality) at the hospital staff that my dad couldn't come home...the hospice had come and taken the hospital bed back (because I told them to), so there was no bed for him...I wouldn't be there...whatever...anything/everything I could think of. My aunt had warned me about this--the hospital will try to bully/browbeat you into taking your loved one back, even when it's no longer safe for him/her or you to take care of them at home. So you HAVE to stick to your guns. And a little well-placed shouting and hysteria can go a long way in getting those bullies to back off (thanks, Auntie!).

My dad is in the only more-or-less local rehab/nursing facility (an hour away from my house) that would take him during the pandemic, and they are taking such good care of him that I've arranged for a famous local bakery to deliver 3 dozen cake pops and 1 dozen cookies to the staff tomorrow.

He's been there a month and, like I said, is doing great except for, like me, needing a haircut.

The plan is to use Medicare to get him back on his feet so he can stroll around using his rollator and so he can get in/out of his wheelchair by himself. Once he's strong enough to do that, I keep telling him (I call him every day), I can check him out of the facility for a weekend here and there so we can go take our family road trips, go see movies, and hit up our favorite local restaurants again.

While Medicare gives him all the rehab he can benefit from (i.e., until he plateaus), we're golden. Then, we cash out his cash-value life insurance and pay for private care (buckle up, friends--it costs ~$10k/month). Then my sister and I will (re)apply for Medicaid but in this new state (like I said, he's an hour away from the house). Then he will be all set for all the long-term care he needs.

It's been sad/challenging in that this is the longest we've been apart since I moved him in because pandemic (thanks, trump, you POS), but it's been the Biggest Comfort in the World to know that he's being so well taken care of. And my house is finally...quiet. No longer am I running his washer/dryer 1+ times daily. No more 24/7 TV from his suite. I'm finally getting my weight back up and stable. I am slowly regaining enough mental function to work. And I'm slowly relearning to sleep--even though I still hear a crap-ton of weird noises 24/7 that I used to think were coming from his suite but that I now know cannot be. Hm!

So although Medicare fucking sucks when it comes to hospice, and although you have to buy and do so much yourself that you'll wonder what exactly Medicare is good for when it comes to hospice, our story has a happy ending because my precious Cupcake of a dad now has his very own round-the-clock staff who appreciate him as much as I do and who are taking the Very Best Care they can of him under the circumstances.

If anyone deserves his own 24/7 staff, it's my dad.  :)

Happy Father's Day!

- Dot Calm's shadow

Medicare lurves hospice at home--an update

Greetings, friends -

Now that we've been doing the whole hospice at home thing for a few weeks now, let me tell you definitively what Medicare does and does not cover--according to hospice, at least.

I say "according to hospice" because our private nursing aide thinks that the hospice service is lying and that Medicare really DOES cover more than the hospice service is actually providing. And when it comes to what the hospice people claim they will provide, it depends on whom you talk to. The first one or two people you talk to blithely claim, oh, yes, that's covered...but when you ask to get your hands on whatever it is, the answer is always NO.

According to our private nursing aide, Medicare pays hospice $4,000 up front because they are basically expecting the patient to pass away in short order.

MY dad, on the other hand, has defied every statistic and every negative expectation--he is getting stronger by the day, and he is champing at the bit to start in-home rehab and get back on his feet and back to being independent.

I could not be more bust-at-the-seams, over-the-moon pleased to have my dad back--even the way he is right now, stuck in bed.

But I digress.

Here is the definitive list of what hospice will and will not provide as covered (they claim) by Medicare:

1. Adult diapers--but you are responsible for going out and getting your own because they may not give you the right kind or the right size.

2. Incontinence pads--but you are responsible for going out and getting your own because they may just not have them.

3. Gloves, but, hey, nobody has any right now. Can't fault 'em for that.

4. A nursing aide up to three times per week for one hour per visit to clean you or your loved one from head to toe and strip/remake the bed.

So, in short, you are guaranteed to get $75/week (for the nursing aide) but nothing beyond that--you may still have to run out and buy supplies they DO cover and are supposed to provide.

Hospice claims that Medicare will NOT provide the following:

1. Adult wipes--apparently, they expect you to put clean diapers on dirty butts.

2. Butt cream--apparently, they don't mind covering hospital visits for diaper rash, pressure sores, etc.

And, as you know, YOU are the 24/7 nursing aide for your loved one. YOU provide all the food supplies and preparation; YOU feed your loved one; YOU help them clean their teeth; YOU bed-bathe them on days the hospice aide doesn't come; YOU provide the facility; YOU provide the utilities; YOU provide everything--even the items that Medicare is SUPPOSED to cover because, gosh darn it, hospice might just not feel like it that day.

It's a pretty sick system, isn't it?

The moral of the story is to minimize home hospice because Medicare is giving a crap ton of money to these services who pocket nearly every penny, leaving you and your loved one in the lurch to fend for yourselves.

Forewarned is forearmed, friends.

So stay healthy--stay safe and stay home for now; get yourself long-term care health insurance; and be sure to check the ratings and reviews of every medical professional and service before you let them near yourself or your precious loved ones.

And don't forget to let out a cheer for my old man--he is a Force of Nature, and I am absolutely beside myself with glee at having Himself back.  :)

Medicare luuuuurves hospice at home...

...or a PSA on how I take care of my dad during the COVID-19 pandemic

On 26 February, my precious dad came down with a cold that didn't seem like much at first.

He usually gets over colds in 3 days--the rat bastard.  ;)

This time was different.

Spoiler: NO, it was NOT COVID-19.

It was just an ordinary cold that, in an 88-year-old man with a history of weakness from Parkinson's disease, turned into nasty bronchitis that brought us to the local ER*.

(Unfortunately, our local ER needed us to make two such visits: they sent us home with a clean bill of health after the first visit and only admitted him after he was literally too sick to get out of bed because he was having trouble breathing. The ER nurse who took care of us both times was pissed on our behalf. It was a case of the doctors having their heads up their asses and the nurses being the superstars who really help the patients get better. But I digress.)

From the ER that day nearly a month ago, my dad was admitted to the ICU**, where he stayed for a good 2 weeks, receiving excellent care from the nurses (and still a fair amount of stupidity from the doctors...but I digress).

From the ICU, they stepped down my dad's care to the PCU*** (note: stepping down care is usually a good thing).

While he was in that ICU-PCU transition, the bronchitis resolved with the antibiotics, but the weakness brought on multi-lobe aspiration pneumonia...meaning that my dad was no longer infectious but that he was sicker than ever.

From the PCU, the hospital discharged my dad to hospice care****.

My dad had the choice of going to a very nice, new local facility for hospice care or receiving hospice care at home.

He chose hospice care at home--and I readily agreed because who wants to put their loved one into a facility where they could be exposed to COVID-19?--so home he came on Friday.

The hospice people and the hospital bragged that Medicare "covers everything" if you go the hospice-at-home route.

Now that we've experienced a few days of hospice care at home, I now know what they mean when they say Medicare "covers everything."

Here's the translation: "everything" = "precious little."

Let me explain.

In a facility, your care is delivered by nurses, who administer the medicine, and by certified nursing aides (CNAs), who do all the personal care throughout the day: showers if you can, sponge baths in bed if you can't, changing your adult diapers if you use them, emptying and cleaning your bedside commode if you use one, cleaning your teeth if you can't do it yourself, and changing your bed sheets while you're still in bed if you can't get out of bed with less than two trained people's help. (Typical rehab facilities may either have a doctor who comes in regularly or a doctor on call whom they can page; hospice at home has doctors they can similarly consult.)

So, in the hospice-at-home setting, you can expect to see a nurse a couple times per week and a CNA a couple times per week.

We have had a private CNA helping my dad for 2 hrs/day for the past year. She charges $25/hr, or $50/day, or $250/week (or $300/week if she helps us out every day but Saturday).

For hospice at home, Medicare covers (drumroll, please) 3 hrs/week maximum for a CNA.

In other words, for your loved one's personal care, Medicare covers a whopping $75/week tops.

In other words, if you're "lucky" (read: sick) enough to qualify, you will get a CNA for one hour every other day.

And you will only get that precious, precious CNA on Monday through Friday during 9-5 regular business hours.

Nights?
Weekends?
You're on your own, bub!

This means that, if you--as your loved one's caregiver
--aren't trained, willing, or able to change adult underwear, do bed baths, or change sheets while your loved one is still in bed, your loved one could be left sitting in his or her own waste for nearly 48 hours.

In short, Medicare loves home hospice care because they are getting all YOUR labor for FREE.

I'll say it again: under Medicare, for hospice at home, YOU ARE THE CNA.

The hospice providers can really only do very little.

They can arrange rental of a hospital bed with rails to keep your loved one safe from falling out of bed and with mattresses that plump up with air to help keep your loved one from getting painful and potentially life-threatening pressure sores.

The hospice nurse can show you how to operate medical equipment--like nebulizers--provided that your hospice case manager orders it for you. (Admitted on a weekend? It may take days for your equipment to be ordered, let alone to show up.)

The hospice CNA can come by for 1 precious hour every other weekday during 9-5 business hours--given whomever else is already on his/her busy schedule--to help keep your loved one clean and comfortable.

The hospice case manager can arrange for an interdenominational pastor to provide spiritual support (which doesn't work for Catholics like my dad, who insist on having their own priests provide pastoral support).

Hospice at home can provide a few other sundry services--for example, they provide cheap-ass adult diapers and bed pads, and they provide itty bitty baby wipes that are too small for adult bottoms--but these are the biggies. As it was, a friend of mine ran out and brought us much nicer adult diapers and butt wipes (as I affectionately call them), and I've been using our own disposable bed pads because the supplies from hospice are so inferior.

Hospice does not provide special food for your loved one, like thickened liquids or even thickener for the beverages you have on hand. They will simply tell you, "Put cornstarch in it" without telling you how or how much. What they don't tell you is DON'T just dump raw cornstarch into, say, iced tea and expect it to taste nice or thicken appropriately. You will have to cook it on high heat until it thickens appropriately and the raw flavor cooks out. Lest I misinform you, try Dr. Google for amounts and recipes for homemade thickened beverages. And you'd better have a blender and broth on hand to puree regular foods for your loved one who can't swallow normally.

Hospice cannot help with CNA care after hours. They cannot help--or, as they promise, facilitate
--applications for Medicaid.

If you arrange for hospice at home, expect "NO" for an answer most of the time.

What they can do is very minimal, and you will need to ask questions that demand quantifiable answers if you want half a clue regarding what you're signing up for.

And woe to you if you or your loved one is discharged to hospice on a Friday, like my dad was--you'll find yourself flying blind and walking a tightrope without a net. It's a brutal adjustment for you as a caregiver.

If you've had hospital ward experience as an adult, you can indeed manage this if you're not already working a job--it's an honor and privilege to take care of a loved one, and it is extremely satisfying and rewarding, but it is also exhausting.

If, however, you've had the misfortune to start hospice during the COVID-19 pandemic, you will find things to be even more haywire.

Your hospice social worker or case manager may refuse to come to the house, or they may not be able to because they may be sick themselves. This slows down deliveries of services and medical equipment and supplies.

The hospice nurses, some of whom do work on the weekends, may end up picking up the slack--which, frankly, isn't fair to them.

You will have immense difficulty getting supplies like sanitizing wipes, disinfectant spray, masks, and everything else that crazy Americans have hoarded that medical professionals use to keep themselves and their patients safe.

You will encounter delays in getting ordinary supplies that crazy Americans aren't hoarding delivered to your home.

You will hear "NO" in response to your reasonable requests on your loved one's behalf more frequently than you otherwise might.

In other words, COVID-19 is NOT helping the home hospice situation, and Americans' panic is harming real people who deserve better.

So, dear ones, that is my public service announcement, or PSA, on why Medicare lurves hospice care at home and how COVID-19 isn't making things easier.

The good news is that my dad is doing a lot better now that he's home.

His breathing--although far from perfect--is a lot better. He is coughing a whole lot less. He is able to swallow thin liquids, like his beloved coffee, most of the time without aspirating it. Even though he is eating precious little--a few tablespoons of food daily--he is still Himself, and he still has his sense of humor and his ambitions...such as getting into his old, familiar wheelchair and using his own bathroom.

Thanks to the hospice crisis care nurses--whom the hospice's admitting nurse assigned to us the Friday my dad was admitted because he was in such poor shape--my dad spent this afternoon in the wheelchair and used his own bathroom, albeit with a lot of help.

His long term prognosis is still an unknown, but it was immensely satisfying to see him have such a great day today.

And if you want to make truly gourmet thickened coffee, here are two options that have worked a treat for my dad and me:

1. Hit up your favorite online Cuban store (mine is in Miami) and buy some Spanish-style hot chocolate mix. Cook as directed, adding one packet/serving of your favorite instant espresso crystals per cup of dairy or non-dairy milk. This is beyond yummy!

2. If your hospital transport service gives you thickened milk from your loved one's hospital room, microwave it with a teaspoon or two of sugar (to taste) and one packet/serving of your favorite instant espresso crystals. This is a great way not to waste something your loved one may not find appetizing on its own, and it makes a very nice, rich café au lait.

That's it from here for now.

In the long term, please plan ahead and consider getting long term health care insurance so that you don't find yourself relying on already-stressed-out family members to apply to Medicaid for you at the last minute.

In the short term, stay safe and STAY HOME if you can...keep your hands clean and DON'T touch your face...and for the love of Pete, DON'T HOARD personal protective equipment, toilet paper, or anything else that everyone else needs right now.

Remember, we're all in this together. And if we keep our heads, we will all get through this together.

---
*ER = emergency room
**ICU = intensive care unit
***PCU = progressive care unit
***Hospice care = palliative, or comfort care, expected to last 6 months or less because the patient is considered to be approaching end of life

Merry ChriFSMas, dear ones!

...Here's hoping all your holidays are merry and bright.

Me?

I'm thankful.

Very, very thankful.

Unlike last year, when we lost every holiday from Halloween to MLK Jr Day included due to a series of medical mishaps, this year, my dad is home, happy, healthy, and here.

We are having a completely low-key, laid-back day today, and I so appreciate it.

We even took a play out of our Jewish friends' play book and ordered Chinese food in for supper tonight.

Yum...burp!

I'm also very thankful that trump was finally impeached--which, I understand, makes him unpardonable (yay!)--and that we do indeed have some semblance of law and order in the land.

George Carlin once said--I paraphrase--that it isn't politicians that suck but our society that sucks. Our politicians come from the same parents, schools, and society that the rest of us do. We have shitty, greedy, selfish, stupid politicians because we have a shitty, greedy, selfish, stupid society. I think there's more than a grain of truth to that, but, unlike George, I don't leave it there.

I say that it's up to us to improve our own personal little localities of society by being the best, happiest selves we can be. In that sense, we DO need to be selfish--we need to keep reaching for those next best-feeling thoughts and feeling our way into being as happy as we can be. Only there, from a position of joy and replenishment, can we help others.

And I see a growing segment of society around the world doing exactly this--realizing that what matters most is being happy and that improving our own happiness helps us help those we love.

So, yay--all is right with the world.

And yes--I am giving thanks!

I hope y'all have a lot to be thankful for this year, too.

Happy Tofurkey Day--I am thankful for YOU!

Greetings, dear ones -

Happy Tofurkey Day! I am thankful for YOU!

This year is so so so much better than last year--my dad and I got to watch the Macy's Day Parade from the comfort of our own home with homemade coffee and breakfast. So much better than sitting by while he recovered from iatrogenic aspiration pneumonia.

I could not be more thankful--for him or for YOU!

That said, let me warn you, dear ones, as I recently did on the Twitter...

DO NOT buy "Medicare advantage" without checking reviews FIRST.

Better yet--do not buy "Medicare advantage" AT ALL.

Dear ones, it is a scam.

The only thing that costs $0/month is the privilege of having high-cost, low-coverage insurance SOLD to you.

The insurance itself comes at a PREMIUM--often hundreds of dollars per month.

And here's the bad news: these conmen and conwomen are only too happy to sell you insurance that will kick you off your existing Medicare supplement...

You know--the insurance that your company oh-so-carefully negotiated on your behalf for your retirement...

...and replace it with something MUCH more costly and MUCH less beneficial for you...while they laugh all the way to the bank.

You see, these sales conmen and conwomen collect $0/month from you, but they get hefty commissions from these insurance scammers companies.

And here's something else they won't tell you: once your expensive new Medicare supplemental insurance
--which surely covers less than the policy your company negotiated for you--kicks you off your existing Medicare supplemental insurance, you WON'T be able to get back on.

That's right, friends--you could phone yourself right out of affordable insurance and right into a financial mess that your loved ones may not be able to rescue you from.

So, this open season, please be sure to tell sweet lovable Joe Namath what he can do with his "Medicare advantage," and don't fall for the hype and the lies.

The life you save may be your own.

Or, dear ones, if you have elder friends and rellies, please keep an eye on them--don't let them fall for this shit.

Healthcare insurance fraud is a Very Real Thing, but it's perpetrated not by Us The People but by the for-profit, against-people insurance companies.

Don't put yourself or your loved ones into the category of the thousands upon thousands of frustrated, needlessly impoverished Americans filing complaints against these bastards.

Remember, commercials are a scam. But don't take my word for it--just look up the reviews on anything they advertise. And I mean look PAST the reviews that the scammers themselves pay for. Do your research. See for yourself.

And with those words...and with Dot Calm's favorite video for this time of year...I bid you and yours a safe, prosperous, delicious, and joyous Thanksgiving!

- Dot Calm's shadow

Bonus material--my favorite Thanksgiving song:

The self-hatred is strong with these MAGA people...

In my last post, I wrote about how the evil that MAGA people wish on others is what they inwardly think they deserve to have happen to themselves.

How is that even possible--why would they think that?

I am taking an online meditation course taught by B. Alan Wallace. In the second lesson, he discusses Western self-hatred, self-contempt, self-loathing, and poor self-esteem.

He claims that this mental illness stems from multiple sources--not just one.

I agree.

However, I strongly suspect that there is one fundamental source that provides fertile soil for the other sources to take root and blossom: Christianity.

Not even Judaism teaches the intensity of "you are worthless without god, and you deserve to burn in Hell no matter how good you are" self-loathing that Christianity does--remember, Hell, i.e., infinite punishment for finite crime including thought crime--was introduced by Jesus the meek and mild.

The death cult of Christianity has successfully brainwashed its followers for millennia into thinking that they were worth less than worms.

In the worthlessness that Christians imbibe, today's preachers and right-wing media sell self-worth in the form of hatred and bigotry, and corporations sell self-worth in the form of shiny, expensive, new houses, cars, clothes, and amusements--amusements that are often necessary to dull the pain of perceiving oneself as worthless.

In other words, Christianity brainwashes its adherents into thinking they are worthless; then, utterly convinced of their worthlessness, Christians self-medicate with consumerism and hatred of others to escape the pain inflicted by their religion.

Other escapes include indulging in cognitive dissonance, magical thinking, and other forms of willful self delusion--all fomented by religion, FOX "News" and right-wing talk radio, and the corporations that all have something to sell sell sell sell.

Alas, the hatred that MAGA people feel for themselves is exactly what they radiate outward to the rest of society and the world.

No wonder there was a smiling woman at trump's tiny penis parade who proudly wore a yellow shirt that mocked the refugee father and daughter who drowned in each other's arms as they sought asylum here.

No wonder MAGA people blame those more powerless than they for their own perceived failures.

No wonder they think to themselves that innocent children in cages deserve to be locked up in conditions worse than the Geneva Convention establishes as reasonable for adult prisoners of war who signed up to commit mass murder on behalf of their governments.

No wonder they celebrate the cruelty inflicted by their own grievously mentally ill, putinist puppet in the White House on those who haven't the means to fight back. No wonder others' suffering gives them a gleam in the eye, a tight-lipped self-satisfied smile, and a wicked hard-on.

Remember, dear ones: for as much as these MAGA people hate you and me and the rest of the world, they hate themselves more.

Like the vicarious redemption their Jesus offers, the suffering that Republicans inflict on "the other" is the vicarious punishment that America's Christians are convinced they deserve themselves.

I see a lot of people on Twitter lately lamenting the behavior of these cruelty-hungry MAGA people, asking, "How do we get through to these people?"

I wish I knew.

However, I suspect that a good start would be to figure out how to teach them first and foremost to start loving themselves and treating themselves with compassion and kindness.

Perhaps then, we could start making inroads into releasing them from their delusions that their enemies are the weak and powerless rather than the rich and powerful and that they themselves deserve every calamity they currently celebrate being meted out on those who deserve our compassion, our comfort, and our aid.

Perhaps, if we could convince America's Christians first and foremost that they literally deserve to be happy--despite whatever their god, their holy book, their preachers, and their favorite TV channels say--then we might be able to start healing this shattered, polarized society of ours.

It's worth a try. We have literally nothing to lose and perhaps our society, our accountability, our respect on the world stage, and our democracy to regain.

Happy America's Birthday, y'all.

Hashtag ObamaDayIsJuly4th
Hashtag TrumpsTinyPenisParade
Hashtag RevolutionaryWarAirportStories (I popped two into the mix this morning and may be back to add moar--they're hilarious!!)

Much love to you all--Resisters and MAGA people alike!

- Dot Calm's shadow

P.S.--if you're wondering why I haven't been blogging in a while, it's because my dad had another UTI in March, which means another several weeks in hospital and rehab, and then, in May, I came down with shingles myself. Shingles is damned nasty--it was so painful I couldn't move for weeks, so my poor dad was largely on his own. It's July now, and I am STILL recovering--so GET THE SHINGLES VACCINE NOW, dear ones!!!!!

Dear MAGA people: all those people you hate are canaries in the coal mine

Dear MAGA people:

I recently saw one of your kind on Twitter lamenting that trump isn't "hurting the right people."

And therein lies your problem.

You know all those people you hate?

Americans who happen to be poor, female, LGBTQ+, Black, brown, non-Christian?

Friends, they are the canaries in the coal mine.

Think about it!

What you want trump and the republicans to do to the poor, to women, to LGBTQ+, to people of color, and to people of other religions and faiths than yours shows trump and the republicans what you'll tolerate them doing to you.

You enjoy locking brown babies in cages? Then don't be shocked when the fascist autocrats you love so much put your babies in cages. If they can do it to innocent people coming here legally to seek asylum, then they can trump up whatever reasons they want to do it to you once you let them know you're cool with it.

You want to ban Muslims? Then don't be shocked when you're banned because your religion is the wrong flavor of the month.

You want to fire or torture LGBTQ+? Then don't be shocked when you're fired or tortured just because, by tolerating the firing and torture of others, the fascist autocrats you love come after you to fire and torture you.

You want to force young or poor women to give birth against their will--you want to treat women's bodies as property of the government? Then don't be shocked when the government treats your body as its own property--and we've all seen how willing trump and the republicans are to squander what they haven't earned. Today, it's your tax money as they give your refund to the billionaires you hate, like George Soros and Jeff Bezos; tomorrow, it could be a pint of your blood or your bone marrow or live organ donation of your kidney or part of your liver or your lung.

Hell, maybe one of the Kochs or Adelsons or Mercers might need your heart transplanted into one of them. So what if you're still using it? Once your boofing beer boi Kavanaugh overturns McFall v. Shimp on his way to overturning Roe v. Wade, your body becomes property of the state--the government decides who lives and who dies. And I guarantee that your life matters a whole lot less to the republicans and the rich donor class than one of their own does.

Are you getting it yet?

You know all those people you get off on seeing as less than human? Well, your oligarch overlords see you as being just as inferior--if not more so.

And that's what we as liberals are fighting so hard against!

We refuse to be their canaries in the coal mine, exploited and poisoned by them for fun and profit.

And we would rather not pull out the pitchforks and torches for another Robespierre-style Revolution where all the idle rich oligarchs' heads end up in straw baskets, as Randi Rhodes puts it.

But you know what?

I've been seeing a lot of guillotine memes on social media lately, which tells me that a lot of Americans are fed the hell up with giving their hard-earned money--the money they need to survive and take care of their families--to billionaires to squirrel away and hoard.

No wonder ordinary Americans are pissed off at Ivanka's "let them eat champagne popsicles" attitude and Wilber Ross's "let them take out loans when they have zero income for collateral" attitude.

The idle rich thus prove every day that they're completely out of touch with what it takes for your family to make ends meet on a daily basis. They can't even remotely understand what it means to live paycheck to paycheck.

And trump himself thinks you need an ID to buy cereal and that your local grocer will "work with you" if you can't pay for food because he shut the government down for over a month.

Friends, these people do not have your back.

They don't even have a clue!

But we do!

We want all Americans to have affordable health care, decent public schools, decent housing, decent jobs for decent pay, unpoisoned air, water, food...in short, we want everyone treated humanely.

And, frankly, you should, too.

A government like trump's that goes out of its way to hurt any of us is already hurting the wrong people.

Like I said, we don't want another French Revolution with oligarch blood running in the streets--even if trump and the GOP seem tone-deaf enough not to realize they're pushing hard for one.

We'd rather have another FDR-style president who's smart enough to realize that the rich can only survive if they give back some of their wealth now, semi-voluntarily, without forcing us to come take it all back since they've been stealing it from us in the first place for the past 30ish years.

No, dear ones--just because billionaires bought up enough politicians to make them change the laws for the past 30 years so that your money became their money, it does not mean, "Oh, those billionaires earned it."

They didn't earn that money. YOU did. Only the republicans--who taught you to hate those less powerful and more vulnerable than you--pissed on your head and told you it was raining.

That's right, friends--stealing is not earning, and, in the America I grew up in, thieves and cheaters don't get to keep their ill-gotten gains.

And you know what? Even if they did earn it rather than steal it, they need to fork it over as long as there's one child starving or one child in need of medicine his or her family can't afford or one child stuck in a shitty public school in a community with shitty infrastructure because republicans over the past 30 years forgot their oaths of office or the Preamble to the Constitution.

Personally, I want to make sure this shit never happens again.

Does that mean 100% civil asset forfeiture? And life in prison? Possibly--probably for the worst offenders. And all their confiscated ill-gotten gains get returned to Us the People, from whom those resources were stolen in the first place.

That just sounds like justice to me.

Mostly, my personal vision is for every last one of them--every traitor and traitor-enabler--to be defanged permanently.

This has to happen. They must--individually and collectively--be denuded of all power so that they can't run off and take root elsewhere to fight against our democracy again.

That sure sounds like dying broke in prison to me, but, hey, I don't care as much how as long as it happens.

So, what do you think?

Are you content to enjoy watching the canaries in the coal mine die, knowing that your turn is next? Does their suffering and pain feed you so much that you don't really care what happens to your family as long as another family suffers first?

Is it just about the money--as in, "I don't care how many babies trump and the republicans cage or how many Saudi journalists they carve up and kill as long as they leave my tax refund alone"?

Or is it about the principle of American fairness, compassion, empathy, and democracy?

Are you ready to join with the people you hate in order to fight the oligarchs who hate you?

I hope you see your way clear to fight against the oligarchs and for America. I truly do. And if you do, you'll find that your fellow Americans who are already on this side of the fight are very friendly and forgiving.

Why not take that leap of faith and find out?

As trump would say, what do you have to lose?

- Dot Calm's shadow

Happy Lunar New Year!

Jie, if you're still out there and still listening, we still love you! 💖

My dad has been home from the rehab for a few weeks now, and we're still settling in. I've had just enough time to catch my breath...and just in time to start my annual volunteer event planning insanity project.

And my treasurer is MIA.

Ah well!

At least I'm still here, carrying on, and my dad is getting better and stronger by the day.

BOY, are we glad he's home. Every day has been something of a party.

Whew.

So, happy Lunar New Year, dear ones. Remember: piggies are highly intelligent and sensitive creatures, so please pet them--don't eat them. Please also take care of your elder friends and rellies--they're counting on you, even if they're too proud or too shy to ask.

- Dot Calm's shadow
(SOTU? STFU!)

Happy My Dad Is Home From The Rehab Day, Y'all!

Treason's greedings, everyone -

I finally brought my dad home from the rehab today.

He hasn't been home since Halloween, so today has been a long time coming.

We celebrated by ordering in from Outback Steakhouse (I get a nekkid salad and baked potato because I'm a happy gluten-free vegan; he gets prime rib, mashies, broccoli, and a salad with bleu cheese) and by sipping Irish coffee (I order in so that I don't have to drive--that way, we both get to be designated drinkers...and I make a wicked vegan Irish coffee...yum...and yay!).

Le Dadster seems fine, but I am exhausted.

Hopefully, with him home now, I'll be able to post more to le blawg.

Be well, y'all, and be sure to keep an eye on your elder friends and rellies. Especially don't let no stinking rehabs give them medication by mouth when they're too sleepy to swallow it without choking lest they end up in yet another hospital and rehab with aspiration pneumonia, like they did to my dad. He should have been home for Thanksgiving, but here we are at 16 January 2019.

- Dot Calm's shadow

Merry ChriFSMas, y'all! (He boiled for your sins)

Treason's greedings, everyone -

I've managed to come down with yet another cold, but I'm going to the rehab anyway to be with my dad for Christmas. As a result, I barely have time or energy for a hi-and-bye here on le blawg.

I'll let Eddie Murphy take it from here.

Be well! Take care of you, and enjoy this day with your dear ones.  <3

- Dot Calm's shadow

Happy Dot Calm's Birthday, y'all!

Treason's greedings, everyone!

Winter solstice--aka Dot Calm's birthday--is a time when I usually reminisce about how brilliant, compassionate, funny, and passionate Dot Calm was and how grieved I remain that she is gone.

Soldiering on without her does not get any easier, it seems.

Alas, this year, I am still so focused on getting my dad better and getting him home that I just don't have the bandwidth to write something lovely about Dot Calm, even though she certainly deserves it.

She also deserves that we all soldier on against the sick, evil, fascist, sadistic autocrats in the White House and the Republican Party.

Fighting them tooth and nail with everything we got is one small way we can honor this great lady.

So often, Dot would say that, when she died, she wanted to be put in a shopping cart. She did not want to be buried. She wanted to be cremated and sprinkled over her beloved Trent and Neuse rivers in New Bern, North Carolina. She didn't want as much as a headstone. She wanted to slide on out as if she'd never been here.

Little did she know how much of a lasting, loving impact she'd continue to have on those of us who love her.

Hopefully, this time next year, we'll have evicted the traitors from OUR government and started our country on a healing path where we can all be more relaxed and joyful. And then, I hope, I will write a post worthy of my precious namesake, Dot Calm.

Until then, be well, dear ones; take care of yourselves and your loved ones--especially your elder rellies because they're counting on you.

- Dot Calm's shadow
@dotcalmsshadow

P.S.--did you know that Dot Calm and Frank Zappa had the same exact birthday? How cool is that?!