From Glamour: How to Feel Safe in a Scary World

San Bernardino Shooting: How to Feel Safe in a World That Feels Increasingly Scary

By Rachel Rabkin Peachman

In the aftermath of yesterday’s mass shooting in San Bernardino, California—which left 14 people dead and 17 wounded—many of us are reeling. As authorities investigate what may have motivated the two suspects (now dead) to open fire during a holiday party at the Inland Regional Center on Wednesday at 11 A.M., there are still many unanswered questions.

“People might say, ‘is this a mass shooting or is this terrorism?’ and what we know from previous events is that this can be both,” Adam Lankford, Ph.D., an associate professor of criminal justice at the University of Alabama tells Glamour. So how do we cope?

Survivors evacuating from the scene of a mass shooting on December 2, 2015 in San Bernardino, California.

“I think that this is going to be a very hotly debated shooting as far as what this represents,” Jennifer Carlson, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Toronto, tells Glamour. “We don’t know enough about it yet to diagnose this,” adds Carlson, who is also the author of Citizen-Protectors: The everyday politics of guns in an age of decline.

With so much uncertainty, it’s natural to feel helpless and wonder how to make sense of this tragedy, especially when mass shootings in the U.S. and abroad are happening all too frequently. Is it possible to feel safe in a world that feels increasingly unsafe? Whether you are close to the horrific event or miles away, are there ways to find comfort after a terrifying act of gun violence occurs?

According to Melissa Cohen, a psychotherapist in private practice, there may be. “What makes people feel most vulnerable in circumstances like this, is that they feel powerless, and like there is nothing they can do,” Cohen tells Glamour. “One way to combat that feeling is to use this as a call to action.” Whether that means donating to the victims, supporting a political leader who represents your views on gun laws, or learning more about how to make your community safer, all of those things can be productive ways to cope.

“One of the best things you can do is to channel your emotional reaction and fear, and demand change,” says Lankford, who is the author of The Myth of Martyrdom: What really drives suicide bombers, rampage shooters, and other self-destructive killers.

That’s what Sarah Clements has done. Her mother was a second grade teacher at Sandy Hook elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut, when the mass shooting took place there on December 14, 2012. Her mother survived, but the Clements family was forever changed, and Clements, now a sophomore at Georgetown in D.C., now advocates for gun reform legislation.

“It’s traumatizing and very destabilizing every time there is a mass shooting,” Clements tells Glamour. “And though it takes me a while after a shooting to really truly believe this, I do remember that since 12/14—since Newtown—we have made strides and changes, and it helps me remember that our work is not in vain.”

For example, an online petition Clements started calling for more gun violence research has garnered more than 120,000 signatures as of press time. Clements has also found strength by joining forces with fellow advocates. “We’ve been able to pass expanded background checks in multiple states in the past three years and we’ve passed legislation in states to close loopholes that would allow domestic abusers and stalkers to access firearms,” she said. “There are lots of wins that have happened. It’s hard to remember in the aftermath of shooting after shooting, but we have to remember that and take comfort in the fact that these wins do mean something.”

Another way to move forward in the face of fear: “Dwell in gratitude, not in fear,” says Cohen. “Rather than waking up afraid every day, wake up grateful. “Hug your kids tighter. Call your mom or your friend.”

It’s also key to think practically about your safety. “Report it if someone in your sphere is having problems,” says Lankford, who notes that after mass shootings happen, it often becomes clear that there were red flags early on that were missed concerning the suspects. “If everyone is paying attention to their co-workers and community members, you can prevent potential problems.”

And remember to react within reason. When scary events such as these take place and they permeate in the news, people experience secondary trauma, says Cohen. “It’s important to get control of your thoughts and remember that bad things don’t happen to everybody all day all the time, so that you’re not re-traumatizing yourself,” she adds. “You could spend your life not being present because you’re worried, or you could really soak in every blessing that is offered to you.”

Want to help? To donate to the Inland Regional Center to help them rebuild, click here.

Photos: FREDERIC J. BROWN/AFP/Getty Images