I found this by Mopshell on Daily Kos--too good not to share.  - Dot Calm

I'll Believe Corporations Are People When...

I’ve borrowed this headline from blogger Chris Weigant who is often witty but rarely whimsical. Though his blog today began with brief mentions of two very serious issues, the border and immigration situation and the recent videos from Israel and California of excessive force, it touched on them only briefly, providing links to archived posts related to these issues.

But then there is a departure from his usual style as Chris indulges in some “silliness,” a whimsicality derived from his musings on recent Supreme Court decisions and the "personhood" of corporations.
He tells of seeing a bumper sticker that read, "I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one." It clearly stimulated his “feverish brain” and from it came this list:

    I'll believe corporations are people...
    ...when one is baptized.
    ...when one is called for jury service.
    ...when one is elected Pope. (or, to tone it down "...when one becomes a minister")
    ...when one is allowed to vote.
    ...when I see a banker go to jail. (somewhat tangential, but still...)
    ...when one takes a selfie.
    ...when one adopts a pet.
    ...when one serves in the military.
    ...when one gets married to a human being.
    ...when one actually pays some taxes.
    ...when one climbs Mt. McKinley.
    ...when one gets bitten by a shark.
    ...when someone shows me where in the Constitution corporate personhood is mentioned.
    ...when one becomes a saint.

As I chuckled my way through his ideas, I began thinking about what I would include on a list of my own and came up with the following:

    I'll believe corporations are people when...
    ...one demands maternity/paternity leave for itself after a merger.
    ...one calls in complaining of a sore throat because it wants to see the game live.
    ...one declares it will take early retirement at 55.
    ...one declares it believes in Santa and demands a merger with Toys R Us.
    ...one decides to take a year off and do a grand tour of Europe.
    ...one declares it is gay.
    ...one declares it has religious beliefs in conflict with its owners and/or shareholders.
    ...one sues its owners for breach of the Thirteenth Amendment.