Some serious stuff but, sometimes, ya just gotsta laugh...
Greetings, Dot Calm Readers!
Lotsa interesting news and good funnies here today.
Too busy to read the whole thing?
If you do nothing else, be sure to click through to the comics and Stephen Colbert's smack-down of the Oregon "militia" "men" who "took over" "the" "bird" "sanctuary."
Don't miss Nooz from the Beeb, either--itz a h00t.
After all the hate and smack our media peddle about Islam, who would ever have suspected that ordinary, average-Joe-and-Jane Muslims had such a great sense of humor?
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From If You Only NewsProsperity Pastors Agree: God Wants Us To Have Luxury Jets To Avoid Dope-Filled ‘Demon’ Passengers (VIDEO)
When Christ did his ministry, he — according to the Gospels, anyway — did it among the common folk. The lepers, the prostitutes, the tax collectors, the sick, the poor; these were the people Christ went to in person and got his hands dirty working with.
But according to “prosperity pastors” Kenneth Copeland and Jesse Duplantis, Christ was a sucker. Real preachers don’t work with those people; they don’t ride donkeys from town to town. They hopscotch the globe in fancy private jets to avoid the “demon” common folk on commercial airliners.
“We’re in the soul business here”
Ever wonder why prosperity pastors travel in big, fancy jets?
Kenneth Copeland and Jesse Duplantis strove to answer that question during an interview posted on Wednesday, and in the process, proved Karl Marx indisputably right.
Copeland took his first swing at it, wheeling out some weird, spiritual-theobabble that . . . well, I’ll let you see if you can make sense of this beyond the core message of “I hate poor people” he does get across — rather clearly, at that:
Now Oral [Roberts] used to fly airlines. But even back then it got to the place where it was agitating his spirit, people coming up to him, he had become famous, and they wanted him to pray for them and all that. You can’t manage that today, this dope-filled world, and get in a long tube with a bunch of demons.
Copeland continued his explanation, and noted flying around in a single-engine, open-cockpit plane could “scratch [his] itch.”
Duplantis attempted to explain his private jet next, and according to him, God actually spoke to him about private jets, explaining private jets are just like Lays potato chips: You can’t have just one. Why? Because doing so would let his “faith stagnant,” making it less meaningful than it already is:
As I was going home, the lord, real quickly, he said, ‘Jesse, do you like your plane?’ I thought, that’s an odd statement. I said, ‘Well certainly lord. He said, ‘Do you really like it?’ And I thought, ‘Well yes, lord.’ And he said, ‘So that’s it? You gonna let your faith stagnate?’
Presumably he answered, “No sir, lord, I ain’t gonna let my faith stagnate. I stir it regularly with the forked tongue I was born with.”
Watch the video here.
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Oregon Lunatics Send Desperate Plea For Snacks And Socks — See The Internet’s Hilarious Reaction
These
Saturday, domestic terrorists from various militia groups entered federal land and took control of a federal building…on a bird sanctuary…because reasons.
The leader of the pack, Ammon Bundy, son of Cliven Bundy from the Nevada BLM standoff told the media the group was willing to die trying to achieve their objective — stealing land from the government — and planned on being on the property for YEARS if it came to that. Ammon is also joined by his brothers Mel and Ryan.
Also, on the property is known domestic terrorist Jon Ritzheimer, the infamous shithead known for his armed protests outside of mosques. He sent a tearful “goodbye” video to his wife and kids ahead of the occupation on federal land — which is hilarious — but he also recently sent out a plea for things the men should have brought ahead of usurping a government building in freezing temperatures.
Blaine Cooper has been relaying the group’s messages to social media:
Also in a separate post, Ritzheimer asked for a few key items for himself and his domestic terrorist friends:
Things we could use:So let’s get this straight. These guys, who plan to stay on the refuge for years if need be, traveled to a remote location in the dead of winter and are in short supply of warm clothes, Redbulls, and snacks?
cold weather socks
snacks
energy drinks
equipment for cold weather
snow camo
gear
anything you think will help.
Thank you all for the support
Oh, this is too great.
Obviously, the internet was also equally pleased.
Editor's note: for some of the most hilarious tweets you will ever read, click here to get the unedited stream. Like I said in my intro to this post, these are some funny, funny Muslims!! Since the tweets don't come across in a copy/paste of the article, I'm posting just a few below--just enough to whet your appetite.
Do you think they would accept a falafel care package?
"We don't want your money." *Translation: "Please send money."
Imraan Siddiqi Retweeted Imraan Siddiqi
This seems to be a pattern of unpreparedness:
Imraan Siddiqi added,
If they would've just left the squat rack behind, they could've fit like 5 years worth of Flaming Hot Cheetos.
Some amazing brainiac tweeted
the "Snacksden" flag:
the "Snacksden" flag:
The response on Facebook was also hilarious:
“Energy drinks. Of course.”Thank you, Internet!
“It takes a really special kind of idiot to try to protest the federal government while asking people to send you stuff through the USPS.”
“Wow, for Militia, you sure went in totally unprepared. OathKeepers have made a public statement regarding your situation.”
“You clowns are like a child who ran away with only a jar of peanut butter and a sleeve of Ritz. Grow up, kids.”
“Lolol anti-government militia using a government service (US Mail) to beg for supplies.. Which they didn’t bring to begin with because they’re idiots with no common sense”
“Waitaminit. You yahoos decide to take over a federal building in the hopes of fomenting governmental overthrow…but you forgot to bring snacks and toilet paper? Okay, then.”
The hypocrisy and idiocy of this whole “standoff” are just too great! These domestic terrorists want snacks sent to them via care packages by the socialist mail system. They didn’t have the foresight or planning to bring everything they would need beforehand, and now they’re mooching off of people trying to get their free handouts. Oh, the irony!
But by golly, they brought their guns! And I’m taking bets that Jon Ritzheimer gets shot and eaten first because he’s the most obnoxious and Ammon Bundy looks the hungriest. Patriots gotta eat, you know? Playing Army is famishing work.
Featured Image with
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"Posh" Cruz tries to “go native” in Iowa with $595 Designer “tractor shirts”
"Posh" Cruz tries to “go native” in Iowa with $595 Designer “tractor shirts”
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To kick off the new year, The New York Times released an editorial about the need to expand Social Security titled, “Social Security in an Election Year.”1 “This election season offers an opportunity to reframe the debate over Social Security….But this can’t be done by broadly cutting benefits. In fact, there’s mounting evidence that Social Security, which has become ever more important in retirement, needs to be expanded.” Since we were founded, Social Security Works has been building a broad coalition of partners in our fight to protect and expand earned benefits for millions of Americans. And now, thanks to you, our message has gone mainstream in this critical presidential election year. We know that Americans are facing a $7.7 trillion retirement savings gap. We know that over half of households 55 or older have nothing saved for retirement. And we know that to address this crisis we need to expand Social Security benefits for the majority of Americans by asking the wealthy to pay their fair share. Click here to read more from the Times and take action! Thank you for all that you do. Michael Phelan Social Security Works 1"Social Security in an Election Year," The New York Times, January 2, 2016. |
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Nooz from the Beeb'To cut diplomatic ties, press 9' - and other Iranian jokes about tension with Saudi (BBC News)
- 6 January 2016
How are Iranians dealing with the rising tension between their country and Saudi Arabia? In many cases, through jokes.
Online, the Iranian public have responded to numerous political and social upheavals in the country by expressing their sense of humour - a way of venting anger and in some cases distancing themselves from official actions.
So here are some of the top jokes currently doing the rounds among Iranians on social networks and mobile messaging apps like Telegram.
'To cut diplomatic ties, press 9'
The number of countries cutting ties with Iran has led some to think - well, you've gotta laugh.One popular joke shared on Telegram was: "A new option has been added to the Foreign Ministry's telephone number [when you dial for queries]… to cut diplomatic ties please press 9".
"Is there anyone to cut ties in support of Iran?!... what a foreign policy we have?!" another user wondered.
"I slept for few hours and when I woke a few countries cut ties with us. I don't even dare to take a nap now!", a Twitter user said after Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Sudan and Djibouti severed ties with Iran.
When Djibouti cut ties with Iran, many Iranians joked that they didn't know much about the country.
"One good thing that the snapping of ties with Saudi Arabia taught me is geography. At least now I know where Djibouti is", a joke on Telegram reads.
"Americans learn geography by attacking countries, Iranians learn geography by cutting relations with countries", says a Twitter user. However, others responded to these jokes by reminding fellow Iranians that Djibouti's location on oil routes gives it a strategic importance in the region.
Jokes about storming embassies
There were lots of jokes about the storming of foreign embassies, with many people implying that supporters of the clerical establishment had encouraged it."Have you climbed any embassy walls in the past 5 years? - New question to be added to visa application forms [for those applying from Iran]", a joke on Facebook reads.
Another sarcastic comment doing the rounds on Telegram reads: "Please leave some embassies for the future generations. They also have the right to seize embassies! There are embassies but there are not that many!"
Another joke comes from a doctored photo of the British embassy in Tehran, which was attacked by crowds in a separate incident in 2011. The photo shows a banner on the wall of the diplomatic mission saying "If you need anything climb up. If you don't come down let others climb".
This joke references the popular charity drive, recently started in Iran and it is known as "the wall of kindness" where people donate clothes to the homeless. As BBC Trending reported, these walls have signs asking people to donate or take based on what they need.
A tricky flag to burn
Many Iranians online also had a hearty laugh at the expense of those who attacked the Saudi consulate in the city of Mashhad.The crowd there removed the building's Saudi flag, which presumably was supposed to be either burnt or trampled on. However, it appears the attackers realised that they were not able to deface it due to the sacred words on the flag. A photo on of a man cutting those words off the flag using a pair of scissors, while a police officer curiously craning his neck to have a look , is also among the popular topics of discussion.
Of course, humour has not been the only reaction by Iranians on social networks. People shared their views, with many pleased at the severing of relations with Saudi Arabia and its allies, while some sounded concerned at the prospect of Iran becoming isolated again after the country's politicians managed to strike a deal with world powers over Tehran's nuclear programme.
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From the good AARP: Americans Against the Republican Party...Armed Ranchers In Oregon Wanting Free Land Are Already Getting A 93% Discount
Dot Calm, this is for you:
Tom Cotton Accepted $1 Million From Israel To Sabotage Iran Nuclear Deal
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From Democracy Now!
Army
Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl was arraigned this week on charges related to
his disappearance from a U.S. base in Afghanistan in 2009. Bergdahl was
captured by the Taliban ... Read More
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Hi, Ben here.
Ben Cohen |
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And Jerry.
Jerry Greenfield |
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The people, not the corporation.
Ben Cohen |
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We’ve known Bernie Sanders for 30 years. And for over 30 years,
Bernie has been fighting for workers’ rights, veterans, students, and
senior citizens.
Jerry Greenfield |
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If he weren’t so inspiring, he’d be boring.
Ben Cohen |
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As we travel the country campaigning for Bernie, we hear a lot of
people saying, "I love Bernie, but I am not sure he can win."
Jerry Greenfield |
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But poll after poll shows Bernie is the most electable Democrat.
And that’s because we all know in our hearts that the things Bernie is
talking about are true. The system is rigged.
Ben Cohen |
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In the end, this election is going to be about big money versus people power.
Jerry Greenfield |
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So volunteer: knock on doors, make phone calls, talk to your friends.
Ben Cohen |
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Wear your Bernie gear, put a bumper sticker on your car, and a sign on your lawn. But today, we have one more request.
Jerry Greenfield |
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In our view, too many candidates running for office now-a-days are financed by corporate interests.
Jerry Greenfield |
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If you’re a corporation, it’s the best investment you can make. The return is extraordinary.
Ben Cohen |
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Too many politicians sell out cheap.
Jerry Greenfield |
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But not Bernie. His campaign is funded by over TWO MILLION
individual contributions, averaging less than $30 each. That’s something
we should all be very proud of.
Ben Cohen |
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I made a few of those contributions.
Jerry Greenfield |
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And we’ve also spent a couple hundred dollars purchasing ice cream for campaign events.
Ben Cohen |
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But with one month to go until people start voting, we need to ask one more time for our friend Bernie.
Jerry Greenfield |
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Every time Bernie ran for office in Vermont, people would say he didn't have a chance.
Jerry Greenfield |
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But Bernie not only gets elected, he gets re-elected.
Ben Cohen |
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And together, I know we’re going to shock the political elite when we win in Iowa next month.
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Petition from Change.org: don't let drug companies kill by grossly overcharging!Dot Calm became as disabled as she did and ultimately died from her MS because the drug companies charge $16,000.00 per month for Copaxone, a drug that slows the progression of the disease...and the insurance companies wouldn't pay. She was only 74 and sharp as a tack--there was no good reason for her to have been in so much pain and so limited in her ability to get around. Others in her family with MS, who receive proper medication, are still walking unassisted... crippled neither by pain nor disability as Dot Calm was in her last ten or more years. It is a crying shame, and it is all due to corporate GREED (although, in North Carolina, doctor stoopidity and phuquen laziness didn't help Dot's cause. She wasn't their mother, so those bastards could not have cared less).
Please consider signing the petition here. The life you save may be your own or a loved one's.
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So, the Oregon "militia" wants snacks?
We're a Christian nation--
let's send them
"thoughts and prayers."
I'm sure they'll find them delicious.
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From Daily Kos
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From Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
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Still need moar nooz?
Moar funny?
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Dot Calm's shadow's faves here:
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posted by Dot Calm @ 7:36 PM
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